That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
