That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
