Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
