i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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