you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
