if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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