I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
