Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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