this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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