and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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