My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
