he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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