I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
