Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
