we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
