Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
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Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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