so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm passing your future prison.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
