You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
