Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
