Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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