i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
