so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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