My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
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GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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