did you get engaged???
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
