i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
