So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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