If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
