why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
