First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
