Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
