When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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