Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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