dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
