Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
