the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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