Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
