We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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