U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
