My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
