We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
