I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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