is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
