Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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