What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real