Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
