If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
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my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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