One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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