she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
do nipples grow back?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
