I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
