Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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