I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
