Tell her she can't have a vagina
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
