i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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