Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
