Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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