they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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