It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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