apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
