It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
