how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
the liver wants what the liver wants
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You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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