You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
