Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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