There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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