I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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