Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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