hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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