If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
