billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
