If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My liver just had a heart attack.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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