Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
